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Showing posts from July, 2015

Cancer is cruel

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It is cruel how difficult this cycle of chemotherapy is. And while my husband has not had any negative effects of the chemotherapy this cycle has produced a much bigger emotional cruelty than previous cycles. I go to sleep overwhelmed. And I wake up overwhelmed. It is exhausting. It is draining. It is depleting. I listen to my children ask me why their dad is sick and tell me how they are sad and miss him because he is in the hospital. I look at a savings account that gets smaller each day and wrack my brain trying to figure out ways to bring in extra income. I miss my husband when I am home and miss my kids when I am at the hospital. And it is only July. This year is only half-way over. There are still 3 more cycles after this one.  I woke up this morning, said a quick good bye to my children and then spent the day at the hospital. I left around 5 to go home and get the kids so they could spend time with Mel. We stayed at the hospital a few hours and then I drove home, gave the kids…

Can you speak a little louder God?

Can you speak a little louder God?

I can't hear you past my tears. I can't hear you past my pain. I can't hear you past these fears. I can't hear you past my cries.

Can you speak a little louder God?

The storm hasn't ceased. The wind roars. The rain is pounding. The earth is shaking.

Can you speak a little louder God?

I can't hear you past my situation. I can't hear you through this despair I find myself in. I can't hear you past my hurt.

Can you speak a little louder God?

I know you gave me encouragement yesterday but I need more today.
I know you strengthened me and renewed me before but I need more today.
I know you comforted me before but I am full of sorrow again.
I know you gave me words of promise before but I need to hear them again.

Can you speak a little louder God?

I am having a hard time seeing the end.
I am having a hard time seeing past the prison we find ourselves in.

Can you speak a little louder God?

Can you remind me that everything is…