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Showing posts from October, 2015

Is it morning yet?

"Is it morning yet?" Malachi asked me that today while it was still dark outside. Although it was 6:00 since it was still dark, I told him "no, it wasn't morning."  But as I listened to the sound of the rain outside, I began to think of the verse "weeping may endure for a night but joy cometh in the morning."  For those who are experiencing an incredibly difficult time they often ask God "is it morning yet?" because the weeping that they are enduring may last months and even years. And even though there is the hope and the faith that morning will eventually come, while a person is weeping and experiencing the pain of the night, they need the support of others.

It is not enough to offer support and love in just the early days when someone passes away. Long after the casket is buried in the ground those who lose a loved one will need support because even though they know that joy will once again come, the night they are enduring is painful. A…

Dear Cancer

Dear Cancer,

You suck. You suck the life out of people. You suck the finances out of bank accounts. You suck out the ability to plan for one's future. You suck all the strength a person has.
You cause tears to fall. You cause hearts to break in pain. You cause life to stand still. You cause sleepless nights. You cause exhaustion. You cause depletion.  
You cause people to have to choose. Do I go to work today and get paid? Or do I take an unpaid day off to spend time with my loved one who is sitting alone in a hospital bed? Do I spend the night with my children who are too young to understand why their dad isn't at home? Or I do spend the night in the hospital so my husband isn't alone? 
You create financial instability. You cause families to lose income. You make spouses to stay up late at night looking at the finances wondering how the amount in the bank account is going to last. You force expenses to grow. You create financial uncertainty.
You have made life stop for fa…

I used to cook

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I used to cook...

You wouldn't know it from looking in my grocery cart today. In place of ingredients for homemade meals has become frozen dinners, take out and the occasional bowl of cereal.

But I've been known to make homemade sauce letting it simmer for a couple hours to fill the the lasagna. I've let the ribs marinate for 8 hours.  I would search the Internet for new and tasty recipes. I would plan a monthly menu making new things every night. Our meals would include penne rustica, kung pao chicken, chicken tortilla soup, meatloaf, parmesean chicken and enchiladas. My grocery cart used to be filled with ingredients for great family meals but now frozen dinners fill the cart. I used to cook.

I used to make pancakes, French toast casseroles and waffles for breakfast. I would bake blondies, scones, oatmeal cookies, and other baked desserts.

I used to cook. Its just been a hard year. So instead of homemade it's been takeout, frozen meals and cereal for dinner. And it h…

I told God I couldn't take another step

There are some days I feel as though I can't take another step.
I feel as though no matter how hard I try, one foot will not go in front of the other.
I feel paralyzed and stuck.
I don't have the strength. I don't have the courage. I don't have whatever it takes to take another step.

I feel depleted. I feel exhausted. I feel drained.
I feel as though this fight has gone on for one too many rounds.
I feel as though this mountain has grown taller since we first began the climb.
I feel as though this valley has grown longer and deeper since we first began the journey.

I feel as though the tears are blocking the view.
I feel as though the heartache is all consuming.
I feel as though the pain has grown deeper with each passing month.

And so I tell God "I can't take another step."
I can't move from the place I am standing.
I can't go forward.
I don't have the energy to fight.
I don't have the strength to carry on.

It is not from a lack of faith,…