Sunday, May 15, 2016

I choose to be real

I choose to be real concerning what my family is going through. I think at times people feel pressure to put on a smile when we are in pain or act as if we are strong and not affected by what's going on in our life. We are praising God through this storm but the storm has been relentlessly pounding for 17 months. And it hurts. It hurts that Malachi and Hannah have spent so much time away from Mel. It hurts that Mel has had to spend so much time in the hospital. It hurts that we are waiting for a miracle. It hurts that financially things are uncertain. Cancer hurts. And we've cried. We've felt drained. And I choose to be real.

(If we could only all be as real as Hannah was in this picture.)


Actively trusting God requires a person to be in a situation that hurts. Our trust in God wasn't tested when we had health, money in the bank and plans that were coming to pass. Every day for the last 17 months we've had to actively trust God. We've had to trust that He would financially provide. We've had to trust that He would heal my husband. We've had to trust that He would give us strength when we were so weak, comfort when we were in sorrow, peace when everything seemed to be falling apart and joy when tears consumed us.

And I choose to be real. I'm not trying to present eloquent words. It hurts. It's painful. It hurts seeing others purchase homes, going on vacation and enjoying life when our plans have been discarded. It hurts seeing date night pictures when my husband is lying in a hospital bed hooked up to chemo. With Mel going to the hospital I am choosing to be real. Tomorrow marks Mel's 13th hospital stay in the last 17 months. This will be his 10th cycle of chemo. I have lost count into the number of days of hospital stays but it is close to 200. Our insurance has been billed over 1 million dollars. We have gone 17 months as a one income family. My 5 year old and 4 year old know more about cancer than I did at the age of 34 when Mel was first diagnosed with cancer. The hospital cafeteria know me by name and I feel like the hospital should give me priority parking with all the money my insurance has paid to them.

It hurts because I thought this season would be over when my husband finished his last cycle of chemo. Yet the storm picked up and is raging some more. Unless God miraculously heals my husband a bone marrow transplant is needed and that recovery time is lengthy. So it hurts that financially our expenses will continue to surpass our income for some time. It hurts that the hospitalizations are far from over. It hurts that this season doesn't seem to be ending anytime soon. And I choose to be real.

It hurts. But God has not changed. He is still good. Through my tears I praise Him. In my pain I love Him. With a broken heart I adore Him. With questions on my mind, I seek Him. With plans discarded, I serve Him. With each new hospital stay, I present my pain to God and I rest in His presence. With everything falling apart, I trust Him. I choose to be real on social media, but I've also chosen to be real with God.

I let God know I am hurting because I know He is my comforter.
I let God know I am in sorrow because I know He is my peace giver.
I let God know I am weak because I know He is my strength.
I let God know I don't understand because I know His ways are perfect.
I let God know my heart feels shattered because I know He is my joy.
I let God know that I wish this storm was over because I know that even if it continues to pound He will get us through.

And so I choose to be real. But I also choose never to stop praising God. I choose to never stop serving God. I choose to not let this storm defeat us. I choose to trust in God even when things don't make sense. I choose to sing of God's goodness because He is good. I choose to declare His love because He is love. And He will get us through this.



 So if you haven't already registered to be a donor please do so.
 You can do it by going to your local blood center. 
You can do it by registering at https://join.bethematch.org/matchmel

You can save my husband's life. And if you aren't a match for my husband you can be the match for someone else. Because they have a story. And they have a name. And their life is a life worth saving. 


Here is the link to our FB page https://www.facebook.com/prayersformelchor/
And a link to our gofundme pagehttps://www.gofundme.com/melchorlira


Monday, May 9, 2016

Unless God intervenes....

Malachi and Hannah adore their daddy. Since last Sunday when we came home from the hospital I have witnessed my kids cuddle so close to their dad as we get ready to go to bed. I have seen them crawl on his lap and lay on his chest. 


And with tears down my eyes I think "unless God intervenes"

Because I witness the exhaustion of my husband. I have seen his body fight so hard against this disease. I have seen him cry as the doctor told us a bone marrow transplant is necessary. And every day I see as the exhaustion grows.


And I cry because we are in an "unless God intervenes situation"

Unless God intervenes my husband will not be there for my son's high school graduation. He won't be able to teach him how to tie a tie. He won't be there cheering on sporting events. He won't be there when my son falls in love. He won't be there to instill in him Biblical values.


Unless God intervenes

Unless God intervenes my husband won't be there to walk my daughter walk down the aisle. He won't be there to wipe her tears. He won't be there to let her know how beautiful and smart she is. He won't be there to teach her how to read. He won't be there to teach her that there is no love that compares to the love of God.


Unless God intervenes

Unless God intervenes my husband wont be there to hold my hand. He won't be there to hug me. He won't be there to listen to my dreams and calm any fears I have. He won't be there to let me know how much he loves me.

Unless God intervenes I will be forced to be a single parent. Unless God intervenes my kids will be robbed a dad. Unless God intervenes.Unless God intervenes I'm going to find myself planning a funeral. Unless God intervenes I am going to have to tell my children their dad won't be with them anymore. Unless God intervenes I am going find myself with a broken shattered heart.

That's the position we are in right now. Most people don't find themselves in an "unless God intervenes situations." Most people aren't waiting for that one person to register to be a bone marrow donor so that their spouse can live. Most people don't find themselves in the position where a miracle is absolutely the only thing that will get you through.

Yet that's the position we are in. We are in an "unless God intervenes position."

Unless God intervenes there won't be anymore date nights or family vacations. Unless God intervenes birthdays and holidays will be incredibly painful. Unless God intervenes we will only have memories.

Unless God intervenes....

There are a lot of "unless God intervenes" in the Bible


Had God not intervened the walls of Jericho would have remained standing. Joseph would have remained in prison. David would have stayed in the wilderness. Hannah, Sarah and Elizabeth would have remained barren. The Jewish people would have been destroyed by Haman's plot. The 3 Hebrew Boys would have died in the fiery pit. Daniel would have been consumed by the lion. And Gideon's army would have been defeated.
Unless God intervened. And He did intervene. He stepped in. He did what man could not do. He performed the miracle. And He still performs miracles today. My family finds ourselves in an "unless God intervenes" situation. And it is not fun. It hurts. 

But the same God who spoke life into existence can heal my husband. The same God who rose from the dead can perform a miracle in our life. The same God who was there with Joseph in prison, David in the wilderness, the 3 Hebrew Boys in the fiery pit and Daniel in the lion's den is with my family today. 

The same God we read about in the Bible is real today. He has not lost His power. He has not lost His ability. He healed in the past and He heals today. 



Psalm 43:5 "Why am I discouraged? Why is my heart so sad? I will put my hope in God! I will praise him again--my Savior and my God!"

 So if you haven't already registered to be a donor please do so.
 You can do it by going to your local blood center. 
You can do it by registering at https://join.bethematch.org/matchmel

You can save my husband's life. And if you aren't a match for my husband you can be the match for someone else. Because they have a story. And they have a name. And their life is a life worth saving. 


Here is the link to our FB page https://www.facebook.com/prayersformelchor/
And a link to our gofundme pagehttps://www.gofundme.com/melchorlira