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Showing posts from July, 2017

When God doesn't come through the way you thought He would...

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I  posted this blog in September of 2015. My husband was responding well to chemotherapy. His doctor was optimistic that he would stay in remission. I didn't want to write this blog. In fact, as the thought and the words to the blog flooded my mind, I prayed "God please don't let me have to live what I am about the write." But the thought wouldn't go away and I truly believe that someone needs to read this blog. So here goes...

We all like hearing testimonies of the things that God has done. We shout when we hear of the job offer. We clap when we hear of that mysterious check that was found in the mailbox. We run and jump when we hear of the tumor that disappeared. We love testimonies. When a person receives a promotion they weren't qualified for, we thank God. When a person is able to conceive years after dealing with infertility, we cry tears of joy. When a marriage is restored and a child delivered from drugs, we offer thanks to God.

But what happens when …

To the widow who just lost their spouse...

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To the widow who just lost their spouse,
You have been forced to join the club no one wants to join. Regardless of your age, it happened way too soon. It may have happened without warning, or like me, your spouse may have battled a sickness for a long time. It doesn't matter though. The pain is still intense. Your "till death due us part" came long before you were ready. Conversations with your spouse have been replaced with questions. Their side of the bed seems so empty. The silence from their absence is so loud. And you have probably asked the question "how am I going to make it?" 

I joined this club 5 months ago on February 14, 2017 when my husband took his last breath and I have asked that question many times. While I know my husband is in heaven and is free from the pain of cancer, the pain my children and I endure five months after my husband passed away lingers. Losing a spouse is one of the most painful things a person will experience.  Long after the fu…

A new chapter

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In graduate school I typically had to read 3-4 books a week. Some of these books were more than 500 pages. The chapters were long, dry and very difficult to get through. As I read, I often wondered, not just when I would complete the book, but when the chapter would end.

In my own life, I feel as though the chapter I have been in has been incredibly long and very difficult. It started on December 2014 with a cancer diagnosis. It contained 18 hospitalizations, 15 cycles of chemotherapy, hundreds of nights where my children went to sleep at home while their dad was in the hospital. It contained relapse, bad news and paralysis. Heartache, pain and tears filled each page of the chapter. And on February 14, 2017 it included the passage "Melchor Lira passed away." The chapter of pain continued and consisted of my children and me figuring out how to live without the love of our life in it. It has included nights where the pain is so intense. It includes uncontrollable and deep tea…

Choosing hope in the midst of the storm

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A few months ago I came across a page on instagram. The page @yoocandoanything profiled stories of individuals of various ages and from all across the world who have endured hardships in life. (They also have a website yoocanfind.com) There were stories of children confined to a wheelchair. Stories of individuals who have lost a limb. There were some who were born with a disability and others through an accident or an illness have become disabled. Yet what stood out so much to me is that each of the stories was filled with hope. No doubt these individuals have cried over the hardships they face but they don't let the hardships define them. Those profiled are public speakers, runway models, track stars and authors. Their hardships have not prevented them from attending college, getting married and starting organizations. If anyone could make an excuse to stop living, the individuals profiled could. They could sit around and feel bad for themselves because of what obstacles they fac…

Should a widow remarry?

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They are getting remarried already!  Didn't their spouse just die?
They sure do move on fast.
I would never remarry if I lost my spouse...
The list can go on...
I came across an article today about a famous individual whose wife died 15 months ago. This famous individual recently got engaged and I read the comments under the article and they brought tears to my eyes. Many people said that he must not have loved his wife because he was engaged so soon after her death. Some of the key words I read were “that was so fast,” and “moving on so quickly.”  The headline of the article even stated “just 15 months after his wife’s death” when referring to his engagement. And those words stung because the people who were writing them must not have experienced the pain of losing a spouse, because if they had, they would offer support rather than judgement.
Unless you have had to say good-bye to your spouse you cannot fully understand the pain a widow feels. Yet, some are so quick to judge how a per…