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Showing posts from August, 2017

When life doesn't go according to our plan

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Eight years ago I had the wedding of my dreams. 13 months after our wedding, my husband and I welcomed our son into the world. 12 months later we bought our first home. And 17 months after the birth of my son we welcomed our daughter. We were living the American dream. A home. Two children. Nice jobs.

Yet on December 30, 2014 our life came crashing down when my husband was diagnosed with cancer. And on February 14, 2017, when my husband took his last breath, everything changed. My life has not turned out the way I planned. I planned on growing old with my husband. I planned on having him here to see his children grow up.I planned my life and my future around him. I never thought my life would include watching my 31 year old husband take his last breath.I never thought my life would include being an only parent to two very young children. I never thought my life would include me as a widow at such a young age. Nor did I think it would include having a five year son and six year old daughte…

From daddy's girl to fatherless...

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She was a few months shy of 3 years old when her dad was diagnosed with cancer.




She spent virtually every weekend of her third year of life in the hospital visiting her dad while he was getting chemotherapy.
For half of her fourth year of life she found herself unable to lay on her dad's arms as she fell asleep at night, ride on his shoulders or play on the floor with him as he lay in bed paralyzed due to the chemo.



And two weeks before she turned five years old this little girl had to say goodbye to her dad as he passed away.




To say she was a daddy's girl is an understatement. 
He would get up in the middle of the night with her when she was a baby. He would feed her, change her and fall asleep with her on the rocking chair.



And as she grew and became more active this little girl was always by her dad's side.




It didn't matter how old she was getting, when she asked for a shoulder ride, he would give her a shoulder ride. This little girl could do no wrong in her daddy&…

To my deceased husband on our anniversary.....

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To my deceased husband on our anniversary, 

August 14th will mark 6 months since you passed away...Yet August 8th marks what should have been our 8th wedding anniversary....




Eight years ago I stood across from you and said “in sickness and in health….till death do us part…” I thought we had a lifetime together. 
I had no idea that sickness would come five years after we said our vows. And I wasn’t prepared for death to come so soon.
Seven years was not enough time with you.
We didn’t get to see the dreams and plans we had for the future come to pass.
We didn’t get to grow old together.


 And it feels so unfair that you aren’t here.
It feels unfair that you aren’t laying next to me during the night.
That you aren’t waking up by my side in the morning.
That there is no turning of the door knobs at 5:30 with you walking through the front door.
It feels so unfair that I am not cooking dinner for you in the evening.
And not sitting on the couch next to you at night drinking coffee.
It seems so unfair …

Why I decided to take a break from social media

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My children are with me virtually every second of every day. As a result of this, there are very few times of the day where it is silent. Even during my daily time of prayer and reading the Bible, I can guarantee that one of my children is going to come in the room at least 10 times to ask me some question that they think is so important. There are a lot of interruptions. There is a lot of noise in my life and not enough silence. I can blame the noise on my children, but a few weeks ago I realized that during the times where it could be silent in my life, I was bringing distractions in.

I enjoy social media. I have reconnected with people I went to high school with. I have stayed in contact with those who live in California after I moved to Texas. I love looking at the pictures and reading the posts. But I realized I was spending way too much time scrolling through social media. This may not necessarily be a bad thing, but the more I thought about it, I realized that I was scrolling t…