Tuesday, March 21, 2017

Why I can't watch HGTV anymore

I used to love watching HGTV.

When my husband was diagnosed with cancer in December of 2014 we sat in the emergency room waiting for the results of the CT scan, praying it was just pneumonia. HGTV's Fixer Upper played in the background. Mel would eventually make around 8 more emergency room visits during the next two years and each time HGTV played in the background.

(hospital stay # 1)

When my husband was getting chemotherapy he would spend two weeks out of every month in the hospital. The type of cancer he had required high doses of chemotherapy. He was often hooked up to chemo for hours at a time. Many nights I would spend the night with him and he would graciously let me watch HGTV in the hospital. He would tell me it didn't matter what we watched, he was just glad I was with him. So as he was hooked up to chemotherapy or wearing a mask because his white blood count was so low, we would spend time together watching HGTV.

(hospital stay # 3)

He somehow started liking the shows as much as I did. He spent hundreds of days in the hospital during 2015 and HGTV always played in the background.  In December of 2015 Mel received his last cycle of chemo and we didn't have cable at home so we thought our days of watching HGTV were over. I was happy about that. As much as I loved the channel, I wasn't going to miss the shows because not watching HGTV meant that Mel was in remission. It meant that we were done with hospital stays, chemotherapy and separation.

(my children walked through these hospital doors hundreds of times)

But then April of 2016 came. We found ourselves in the ER once again and the test results showed that the cancer returned. And the hospital stays began again. And so we picked up watching HGTV. Mel listened to me without complaining as I talked throughout each show. I always said I wished we lived in Waco so the Gaines could remodel a house for us. And when we were watching House Hunters I would tell him about all the things I would like in our new house when the cancer treatments were done and we could move.  As we watched Flip or Flop together he would always hear me complain about how expensive California was. He would just smile.

( Hospital stay number 4. This is how we spent Easter Sunday)

 In July we thought Mel was going to get a bone marrow transplant and hopefully be cured from cancer but during his last cycle of chemo in August he became paralyzed as a result of all the toxins that were placed in his body. That hospital stay was supposed to be five days and yet lasted six weeks. And during the days I spent with him and the nights I stayed over we watched HGTV together. During the nights I wasn't able to spend the night, Mel told me he would have the nurses put HGTV on for him because it reminded him of me.

(hospital stay # 16)

Mel was sent home in October on hospice because they thought the paralysis was going to spread to his brain. It didn't. But a bed wound that developed during his six week hospital stay grew and in November we were back in the hospital and back watching HGTV. There were probably a lot of other things Mel wanted to watch but because he loved me so much he let me watch what I loved. And so we watched Fixer Upper, Flip or Flop, House Hunters and Property Brothers.

(Mel never left the hospital during his 18th stay. He ended up passing away)

In January we were back in the hospital. This time his blood counts were low. It was suspected that the cancer had returned to his bone marrow because he needed many transfusions. He spent a week and a half in the hospital and we returned home, only to return back two weeks later. Once again HGTV played in the background during the day and the evening.  This time blood work confirmed that cancer had returned. An MRI showed an infection in the bone from the wound that developed in the hospital. Doctors started him on an antibiotic to treat the wound and that antibiotic created a bacterial infection within Mel.  And within just a few days of starting that antibiotic my amazing husband passed away.

(we were discussing discharge plans with the doctor an hour before taking this picture. Little did we know that Mel only had six more days to live)

And for the last month I have been unable to watch HGTV. My day is so busy I don't have time to really watch television but in the moments when my kids are playing, I stare at a blank television screen. It hurts too much to watch the shows I used to love because they bring back so many memories of the hundreds of days and nights Mel spent in the hospital. As difficult as the hospital stays were I cherished that time so much because Mel and I were able to spend so much quality time together. Typically spouses find it hard to make time to go on dates because life is just crazy. And while I would have preferred dates in places other than a hospital room, I am thankful because for two years when my husband was getting cancer treatment, God gave us so much alone time to spend together.

(There will be no more pictures of the two of us sitting on the front porch together)

We did more than watch HGTV all day long. We talked. We laughed. We prayed and read the Bible. We shared our dreams. We cherished every moment we had together. But it hurts so much to put that channel on now. Because memories of the last two years come flooding into my mind. Memories of the time I had with my husband. My best friend. The one I thought I was going to get old with. And now he is gone. I am left with just pictures. With just videos. And with just memories.

I just want to be sitting on the couch with him, holding his hand and watching HGTV.

 (The weekend we officially started dating)

Here is the link to the FB page where I detailed my husband's battle with cancer  https://www.facebook.com/prayersformelchor/

My IG is @kimjoylira

Monday, March 20, 2017

Why Satan doesn't want me to pray

On Saturday I found myself alone in the house for the first time since Mel passed away. There has not been one day since Mel died that I have been without the children. And really there hasn’t been a day since probably since April or May of last year that I have been by myself. And so I went upstairs to the room where I usually pray and fell to the floor and poured my heart out to God. There were times during my time in prayer where I had no words to say, but I let the tears that fell so freely be the words of my prayer. I presented my hurting heart to God. I presented the intense pain that doesn’t seem to go away to God. I gave Him my worries and my fears.

Prayer is one thing that Satan doesn’t want me to do. The Bible talks about Satan being like a roaring lion seeking whom he can devour. When lions hunt they usually look for the weak. They target the young, the old and the hurting because those are the easiest to take down. The strong animals fight back too hard and too long and the lions want to devour one that is weakened and who won’t be able to withstand their attack. And Satan is just like that. He seeks after the weak and in his eyes, I am vulnerable. My husband just died. I am hurting. I am mourning. I am devastated. I picture Satan like the vultures that swarm overhead looking for something that is dead. Satan wants me spiritually dead so he can devour me. And he doesn’t want me to pray. He knows that if I don't pray and if I don't talk with God, he can then fill my mind with anger, confusion, bitterness and resentment. He can strip me of peace and joy and comfort.

Prayer is what sustains us. So Satan is hoping the pain from losing my husband will keep me from praying. He is hoping the pain will turn to disappointment because the miracle didn’t come the way we wanted and I will stop going to God in prayer. He is hoping that the pain will turn to anger towards God for leaving my children without a dad and I won’t pray anymore. He is hoping that the pain will turn to resentment as I see other married couples and that I won’t pray. Because there is so much power when we pray.

When we go to Our Father in prayer things change. Mountains move. Our perspectives change when we pray. Today in prayer I told God I don’t understand. Because I don’t. I don’t understand how it can be a part of God’s plan to take a husband from a wife and a father from his children. But I didn’t end my prayer there. I let God know that even though I didn’t understand I trusted in Him. I trust in His plan. I trust that He has not left us. I trust He will restore the things that were lost. I trust He will sustain us. I trust that the purpose and plan for His life doesn’t involve pain always lingering.

I praised God during my time in prayer today because God is good. Satan would like this situation to destroy me but I know that situation will be a testimony of how in our darkest times God doesn't leave us. Yes, I am hurting, but I am not turning my back on God. Through praying and turning to God my broken heart will be pieced together. My mourning will be replaced with joy. My time of sorrow will not last always. There is no walking away from God. I am drawing closer to Him each day. I am leaning on Him during this time. I going to Him in prayer. God will see me through. And I will not be destroyed.

If you are going through something difficult, whether it is the loss of a spouse or something else, I encourage you to continue praying. Satan does want to destroy us. He doesn't want us to have a relationship with God. He wants us to throw in the towel. But Satan is the father of all lies. God is good and He will see you through.

Here is the link to the FB page where I detailed my husband's journey with cancer and am detailing the transition from wife to widow https://www.facebook.com/prayersformelchor/

My IG is @kimjoylira

Saturday, March 18, 2017

The challenges a young widow (and widower) face

When I go to the grocery store with my children no one would know that a month ago my husband passed away. From outside appearances, I do not match the image most of us have in our mind about widows (and widowers). I am 36. I have a five year old daughter and a six year old son. Most people when they see me in the grocery store, the park or a restaurant, would probably assume that my husband was at home or at work. It most likely never crosses their mind that my husband is no longer living.  I don't claim to be an expert on widowhood. I have only been a widow for a month. I write about what I am going through though. I hate that the last two years my posts have been about cancer and now about being a widow. Those are two things no one wants to experience but cancer and death stormed into my home and I write so others can see a glimpse of what those things are like.

There are challenges a young widow (and widower) face. There are some who may feel that because your time with your spouse was so short it will be easiser to move on. Some may even think that because you are young you can just remarry.  And some people may feel that because you didn't have as many years of marriage as someone who had 50, the pain you are experiencing is not as brutal. But the truth is the pain stings no matter how many years a person was married. The person you dreamed of spending the rest of your life together with is no longer here. And a part of you is gone as well.  Because my time with my spouse was so short, I at times feel as though I was robbed of time. Robbed of making memories. There will come a day when the date on the calendar will reveal the time spent apart from my husband was longer than the time spent with him. And that stings.

Finding time to grieve can be hard for a young widow (or widower) if they have children. Financially, I have to work. And so two week's after my husband passed away I returned to my job.  My day is incredibly exhausting. I work full time. I homeschool my children in the evening. I have laundry to do, meals to prepare, dishes to wash and toys to pick up. There is no down-time in my home. I have lied to my children on more than one occassion, telling them I have to go to the bathroom, just to get a moment to breathe. My children (although they are 6 and 5) still sleep in bed with me and while I enjoy this, I really have no time to myself. And so grieving is challenging to a young widow (and widower) with children. I can't just lay in bed and cry like I would like to at times. My day is so busy that it seems as though the grief hits me the hardest after my children fall asleep. It pounds me like a wave that has been building up throughout the day. Then I reminded I don't have my husband's hand to hold anymore. I don't have his chest to lie. I don't have him to share my dreams with. He is gone and the pain is crushing.


It is also hard seeing the pain my children are enduring. We are a fix-it society. We want to make things better right away. When a parent dies, things aren't better right away for children. Malachi and Hannah spend their day playing. Laughter fills our house. They have smiles on their face throughout the day. But they are hurting and the pain reveals itself in the evening. This week, I have comforted my children as they lay in bed at night crying so hard because they miss their dad. It is the every day things they miss so much. They are missing the piggy-back and shoulder rides, the games of catch, building forts together and reading bedtime stories. They had an amazing dad and he is gone. And for a young widow (and widower) their focus is not just on healing for themselves as they learn how to navigate without their spouse, the focus is on the children as well.


Again, I don't claim to be an expert on widowhood. The grieving process for one widow may be completely different than the grieving process for another. For myself, I know the only way I will ever obtain healing over the loss of my husband is to rely completely on God. I know the only way my children and I will make it through these incredibly challenging days is to draw near to God and place our complete trust in Him. I am shattered over the loss of my husband. But I am trusting that God has not left me. And I am trusting that my husband's death will not destroy my children and me. There are many challenges that a young widow (and widower) face but those challenges are not too big for God. There are obstacles that I will face in the weeks, months and years to come, but I know every step of the way, God will be there. I know we will be able to look back and while we will see the pain from losing Mel we will also see the hand of God upon our life. God is close to the brokenhearted. He sees our tears. He knows our pain. Though my heart is hurting, I know God's love will cover me. His comfort will surround me. His peace will fill my mind. His strength will see me through each day. The mountain placed in front of me is not too big to climb.


Here is the link to my FB page where I detailed my husband's fight with cancer and continue to share https://www.facebook.com/prayersformelchor/

Many people have asked so I am including the gofund me link to this post gofundme.com/melchorlira

My instagram is @kimjoylira


Wednesday, March 8, 2017

Why the church doesn't need anymore coffee bars

More and more on my social media feeds I have been seeing a lot of churches boast of the cool, trendy new initiatives that they have begun. I have seen pictures of coffee bars that resemble Starbucks. I have seen lighting that resembles one seen on Broadway. I have read catchy sermon titles and have seen how people have brought the movies into their sermons.

My husband passed away February 14th, 2017 after a two year battle with cancer.

 (the last picture I took of my husband and I. He was so tired yet forced a smile)

To say he battled cancer is an understatement. He was hospitalized two weeks out of every month during the first year. He was hospitalized a total of 18 times. He was rushed to the emergency room 8 times. He spent hundreds of days separated from his two children. And eventually the chemo, designed to get rid of the cancer, caused him to be paralyzed. And for the last four months of his life he was paralyzed and confined to a bed.

My husband endured cycle after cycle of chemo. He was separated from his children many nights. He was hooked up to chemo for 24 hours at a time. He listened to the doctors tell him bad news after bad news. He was left paralyzed and unable to get out of bed. And he never said how much he appreciated the coffee bar at the church. Never once did he say he loved the lighting in the sanctuary. He never told me how cool it was that they put a couch on the platform. He didn't boast of the graphics and props on the platform. He talked about Jesus. He quoted scriptures. He reminded me of sermons we had heard. And in the middle of the night he sang songs of praise and worship to God and he spent his time praying. Because nothing a church  does to strategize to bring in members helps you in the time of the storm. It is only Jesus.

(My son holding Mel's arm the day we had to put him on life support)

On February 13th I had to most difficult task of telling my children their dad was not going to make it and the next day at 7:24 the doctor's declared him dead.  And as I lay next to my children at night listening to my daughter sob uncontrollably because she misses her dad so much I am not thinking about how trendy my church is. I am thinking that my strength comes solely from God.

I don't have my best friend with me anymore. And even though I take comfort in knowing he is in heaven I can't talk to my husband. I can't text him during the day. I can't share with him my frustrations. I can't hold his hand. I can't hug him. I can't kiss him. He is not here. And as I drive to church during the week, I am not thinking that I am so glad the leadership are reading "how to grow your church" books and adopting cool sermon series. I am thinking how desperate I need Jesus.

As I look at two young children who now have to grow up without their amazing dad by their side, I am not thinking of how it was so awesome that the minister related the message to a Hollywood film. I am thinking of how much I need Jesus.

(They spend a lot of their day laughing and playing but at nighttime that is when the tears come.)

When church leaders sit around and discuss how they can reach people, I don't think they have the widow in mind. I don't think they have the cancer patient in mind. I don't think they have the children who are growing up without a parent in mind. I am not paying attention to the church d├ęcor when I walk through the doors. I don't want to smell fresh brewed coffee in the lobby. I don't want to see a trendy pastor on the platform. I don't care about the graphics or the props on the platform. I am hurting in a way that is almost indescribable. My days  are spent working full time. My nights are spent homeschooling and taking care of two young children. I don't have shared duties with a spouse anymore everything is on my plate. And when I go to church I desperately want to hear the Word of God.

Because there are days I am running on empty and a coffee bar in the lobby isn't filling me up. There are days when the pain is so brutal and a concert like setting is not providing healing. There are days when the tears won't stop and a trendsetting church is not what I need. I need Jesus. There are days I wonder if the pain is ever going to end and a couch on the platform is not providing answers.

(I take pictures of me smiling but the truth is my nights are also spent crying)

 The lighting, coffee bars, relevant messages, graphics and other things are secondary and serve no assistance to me during the darkest hour of my life. This is in no way a criticism of churches that have coffee bars, nice lighting and catchy sermon titles. However, in everything that is done, we need to make sure that Jesus is at the center. It is a also a reminder that there are hurting people sitting in your congregation. There are people whose marriages are crumbling, people whose finances are deteriorating, people whose children are rebelling and people like me, whose husband has passed away after a brutal fight with cancer. And these people are not impressed with the stage lighting. They could care less about the coffee flavor. They don't need to be pumped or hyped. They need and are desperate for Jesus. And they may actually be turned off by all that they consider gimmicks to get people to go to church.

I scroll down my social media feed and I see churches with pictures of their coffee bars, their concert like settings, their graphics, their trendy sermon series and those don't appeal to me. I want to see how Jesus has changed a person's life. I want to see the power of prayer. I want to see how the Word of God can be applied to one's life. I want to see how Jesus can help the hurting. I want to see how Jesus can heal the sick. I want to see how the broken heart was restored. I want to see how the mourners were comforted. I want to see how lives were restored. Rather than posting pictures of coffee bars I would rather see testimonies of the power of God. I am thankful I attend a church that focuses on prayer and the word of God. I am thankful that in one of the darkest moments of my life I knew I could count on others to pray for me and with me. 

 ( I don't get anymore dates like this anymore)

The church does not need anymore coffee bars. They don't need the lighting. They don't need the concerts. They don't need the trend setting. They don't need couches on the platform. They don't need to dim the lights to attract people. Tell a person how God has changed your life. Show them the love of God through your actions. Demonstrate how God helped you through the darkest of storms.

Church leaders remember that you are not just trying to attract the hip and the cool to your church. You are reaching widows. You are reaching children who don't have a parent. You are reaching someone battling with a disease. You are reaching a person going through a divorce. You are reaching a businessman who thinks they have all that they need. You are reaching the hurting. And the only thing they need is Jesus.

Here is a link to the FB page where I shared my husband's fight with cancer.


My instagram is @kimjoylira

***I am only adding this edit because so many people have asked whether I had a gofundme page. I do and it is posted on the FB page where I share my husband's journey with cancer if a person wanted to donate. I didn't want to link it to this particular post though because my intentions were only to get this very important message about churches out.

Sunday, March 5, 2017

All is well

On February 14th I lost my best friend. My husband. The father of my two precious children. Since then I have cried a multitude of tears. My heart feels shattered. I am 36 and the pain I feel is immense and so I can't even begin to imagine how the pain of losing their dad feels to a six year old and five year old. Our house feels so empty. Pictures of my husband fill each room as do memories. It is so hard to convey the pain the one feels from losing someone they loved so much. Last night I held a five year old girl as she sobbed uncontrollably because she missed her dad so much. And when she finally fell asleep from crying, I slipped out of the bed, went to the loft and then cried uncontrollably myself. I absolutely know that my husband is in heaven and I have so much peace that he is not suffering anymore. When I think of all that he had to endure the last two years of cancer treatment I am thankful that he is not in pain any longer. He had chemo dripping through his body at times for 24 hours. He would spend two weeks every month in the hospital getting chemo. He experienced painful neuropathy that made it impossible to sleep through the night. And then for the last four months he was paralyzed and confined to a bed. He didn't complain. But I know he was so tired. And so I am thankful that God saw the pain my husband was in and chose to call to him home. Yet I am hurting. And I do wish he was here. As selfish as it may be, I would take Mel paralyzed, lying in a bed for the next 50 years just to have him with me.

But I am declaring that all is well. All doesn't have to feel good for it to be well. I don't feel good. I am hurting, as anyone who lost a spouse would, but I am declaring that all is well. I at times can't see past the pain I am in, but I know that every word in scripture is true. I know God is close to me since I am brokenhearted. I know that God hears every single prayer and sees every single tear I have cried. I know God comforts those who mourn. I know weeping will endure for a night, but joy is coming. I know that God will piece together my heart. I know that God has not left me. I know that God has a plan and a purpose for my life. I know that while Satan would hope this will destroy me, God can do a mighty thing through this pain. I know that storms don't last forever and after a rain comes a harvest. I know God can restore all that has been lost.

And so I declare that all is well. I won't stop trusting in God. I won't stop praising God. I won't stop living for God. I will never stop praying because I know God answers prayers. I will pour my pain out to God because I know He is my comforter. And I will continue declaring that all is well because it is. All may not be easy. All may not feel good. All may not be how I thought it would turn out. But all is well because God is on my side. His love will see me through. The storm clouds won't hover over my life forever. I believe that story God has written for my life contains restoration of things that have been lost and while we are in a chapter called heartache right now I do believe that written in that same chapter is peace and comfort. All is well.

If you are reading this and are experiencing a difficult time, I encourage you to declare that all is well. Your pain may be different from the pain I am experiencing. The mountain you have been forced to climb may not be the sames the mountain I am climbing, but I want to encourage you that God has not left you. He has not abandoned you. You are not alone on this climb. God will see you through. The story may not end the way you thought it would end but God has a purpose and a plan for everything. You can declare that all is well because God is with you.


Here is our FB page https://www.facebook.com/prayersformelchor/
My instagram @kimjoylira
gofundme gofundme.com/melchorlira
Mel was in need of a bone marrow transplant and there wasn't a full match. Consider registering to be a bone marrow donor bethematch.org

Thursday, March 2, 2017

Why didn't God perform the miracle?

If we are honest this is a question many have asked. Why didn't God perform the miracle?

My husband was diagnosed with cancer two years ago. And every day we prayed for and believed God could and would perform the miracle. But He didn't. On February 14th my husband passed away. We are now left with memories. Some people are afraid to ask God the question "Why didn't you heal him?" There is a difference between asking God a question and questioning God. We can ask God questions but we can't question the things God chooses to do.

Sometimes God doesn't perform the miracle we so desperately want. Our prayer wasn't out of line. We weren't praying for a million dollars. We weren't praying for a mansion to live in. We weren't praying for status in life. We were praying for a healing. A healing for a 31 year old who was married with two children and had countless people who loved him. Yet God didn't perform the miracle our heart desired.

Could He have? Yes. God absolutely could have healed my husband. But He didn't. When God doesn't perform the miracle we wanted Satan will slide his way into one's mind and try and convince you that God didn't care or that God didn't love you. He will try and convince you that God couldn't do it. But these are all lies.

Even if God doesn't perform the miracle He is still a healer. Even if He doesn't answer the prayer we so desperately wanted He is still a loving God. And He does love you. God's love for me and my children is not less because he didn't heal Mel. Nor has my love for Him decreased just because my husband is no longer living. God wasn't punishing our family when He called Mel home.

I trust in God. And that means I trust that God has a plan for everything. The Bible tells us there is a time to live and a time to die. And even though my heart is shattered I trust that God's plans for our life are perfect. And so for some reason it was the plan of God to take my amazing husband home at 31. And that hurts. But God doesn't always perform the miracle we want. Trusting in God means even when the story doesn't turn out the way we wanted God was always in control and never left the throne. Mel won this race we all sing about. He is in heaven and has the reward we all strive for.

There are times we will never have an answer to a question we ask God. I may never know why Mel didn't get the healing. An answer to that question wouldn't really help my broken heart anyways. But the peace that comes from God can. Sometimes the miracle doesn't come like we wanted. But anger towards God cannot set in. I'm upset my husband is not living but I'm not mad at God. I don't understand why but I trust in God's plan. I so badly wanted the miracle to take place in Mel's life but I trust, in time, God will piece together my shattered heart.

We live in a world that always wants answers. My children, when they were younger, were constantly asking why. Sometimes God doesn't explain why He chose not to answer a prayer the way we wanted. And as hard as it may be to hear He doesn't have to explain. He is God. He doesn't seek us out on collaboration for His plans. He doesn't form planning committees when making decisions that impact our life.

But He is God. And He is good. And He loves us. We didn't get the miracle we wanted but God's love will sustain us. His peace will see us through. I am not seeking after the why God didn't perform the miracle because no answer will bring back my husband. But I am seeking after God. Because God is the one who will see me through.

Here is our FB page https://www.facebook.com/prayersformelchor/
My instagram @kimjoylira
gofundme gofundme.com/melchorlira
Mel was in need of a bone marrow transplant and there wasn't a full match. Consider registering to be a bone marrow donor bethematch.org

Wednesday, March 1, 2017

When your spouse dies

Tuesday marked two weeks since my husband passed away. And it sucks. I don't use that word in my every day vocabulary but it does suck. Losing your spouse is hard. I know he is in heaven. I have peace that he is not suffering anymore. I am thankful that his pain is gone. I look at pictures of him during the last four months while he was bedridden and paralyzed due to chemotherapy and my heart takes comfort in knowing that he doesn't have to endure that anymore. But my husband is gone. And that is brutal.

When two people get married they do become one. They do not lead separate lives they join in marriage to lead one. Their dreams are shared and connected. Their plans involve each other. They know each other more intimately than anyone else. And when a spouse dies it is as if half of you has been ripped away. It is painful. My best friend is not here anymore. The one I talked to every single day during our 7.5 years of marriage is gone. The face I saw when I woke up and the voice I heard as I went to sleep is no longer here. I am left with pictures, videos and memories and those are not enough. When your spouse dies everything changes.  I was a wife. I am now a widow. Part of who I was is gone. I was Melchor Lira's wife. And now Melchor Lira is no longer living. My life has changed and it is hard.

I woke up on February 13th married to the love of my life and I went to sleep the next day without him by my side. Every dream I had for my life was tied to him. Every plan I ever made involved him. And he is gone. I do trust in God. I place my hope in God. I know that God has not left me. I know that He will see me through. But I don't have my husband with me right now. There is a void from not being able to hear his voice, feel his touch or see him.

I know that God will heal my heart. I know He will strengthen me. I know that He will restore my joy. But there is always going to be a piece of me missing. And that will always hurt. There will be dreams we didn't get to share. There will be plans we didn't get to see come to pass. There will be memories we didn't get to make. I want to text him. I want to call him. I want to share with him so many things. And I can't. Because he is not here.

There is a long road of healing ahead of me. I smile. I laugh. I get up and go to work. I take care of my children. I clean the house, do laundry and pick up toys. I go to the grocery store. I take my children to their dentist appointments. On the outside I may look okay. A stranger would never even know that my life was turned upside down two weeks ago. But the pain from losing my 31 year old husband is intense. There is an emptiness inside of me. There is a hole in my heart. 

I have total confidence that God will see me through. I know that He will give me the strength I need to make it. I believe He will restore a lot of things my family lost during the last two years. But this is not something that takes place overnight. God provides comfort to those who mourn but the mourning process doesn't end when the funeral is over. He is near to the brokenhearted but the heart does take awhile to mend and heal.

Here is the link to my FB page https://www.facebook.com/prayersformelchor/
Here is the link to our gofundme page gofundme.com/melchorlira